Rebel Girl
by taconinja
Summary: After her breakup with Nate and all-too-public pregnancy scare, all Blair wants is a dramatic change of scenery. But when she's ready to come back to Constance, a changed Queen B finds herself in need of some unlikely allies. AU starting in Season 1.
1. Zero

**Author's Note: I want to give a belated thanks to asimaiyat for being my beta on this story. I completely forgot to insert my author's note on this chapter. Apologies to all. The usual disclaimers of not owning any Gossip Girl characters or any quotes from the music or anything else.**

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**Ch. 1 Zero**

_What's your name? No one's gonna ask you _- "Zero" Yeah Yeah Yeahs

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_Oh, how the mighty have fallen, _Blair Waldorf mused as she perched on a cracked leather bar stool, watching the barkeep work a Pabst Blue Ribbon tap with bare arms covered in faded nautical tattoos.

With a rueful sip (or maybe more of a gulp) of her fourth Long Island Iced Tea of the night, she considered the series of events that had taken her from the steps of Constance this morning to this... this nightmarish evening.

To take her mind off questioning her own sanity, Blair listened to the loud, fast music coming from the band onstage behind her. She didn't turn to face them. Too much effort involved. She stared at the rows of bottles on shelves behind the bar hoping to lose herself in the palette of multicolored liquids.

Blair checked her phone again looking at the last Gossip Girl blast.

**Spotted! S waiting for B at the helipad! Is Queen B fleeing for good? Looks like S wants to get in her parting shots before the former queen flies to parts unknown. Will it be off with her head or a tearful goodbye?**

The text was accompanied by a grainy picture of Serena entering the building with a determined look on her face. Blair had little doubt that it wasn't going to be a tearful goodbye.

Blair sighed. It was all so simple. She was going to take the helicopter to the airport, fly to France, and live with Daddy for who knows how long. Life was too messy here... too ugly. She couldn't face Serena, though, and had told the cab driver to go to the last place anyone would look for her: Brooklyn. Maybe there were even less likely places, but seeing Serena reminded her of Serena's current star-struck love, Dan Humphrey aka Cabbage Patch aka Lonely Boy from Brooklyn. She asked the cab driver for a bar and so she was sitting here torn between regretting not going somewhere she could get a decent martini and thankful she wasn't somewhere Gossip Girl could spot her. At least she hoped. Fortunately, she had her fake ID and a decent amount of cash, so she could avoid using her credit card in case her mother was already panicking and had the police out for her. She couldn't face Eleanor yet. She rolled her eyes at her own weakness and took another drink.

The band had stopped playing and Blair could hear some sort of argument on the stage. She really didn't care and paid little attention. She contemplated ordering another drink, but the bartender had that look in his eye that said getting trashed might end up with her in his bed much later in the evening. No, check that. Couldn't be much later. It was already after 1 a.m. She side-eyed the bartender while he poured a drink for another customer. He wasn't awful looking, and after lowering herself to sleeping with Chuck she wasn't sure if she really could claim to have standards any longer anyway.

A woman's voice from beside Blair cut through her thoughts. "Hey."

Blair glanced quickly over before returning to staring at the rows of bottles. The speaker was a tall, thin woman with long, bleached white hair wearing a black tank top with the sleeves cut off, dirty jeans, and combat boots. _Seriously? Combat boots? A fashion nightmare come to life before my eyes. _

Not taking the hint, the woman continued. "I said 'Hey.'" She had a strong Southern drawl definitely out of place in the middle of Brooklyn. Blair revised her thoughts. _A hillbilly fashion nightmare come to life before my eyes._

"I heard. The non-response should be all you need."

Blair heard her laugh and looked over again seeing amusement in the pale green eyes of her new acquaintance. "Can I help you?" Blair asked.

She took a seat beside Blair and gestured to the bartender. He nodded evidently knowing what she drank.

Receiving no answer to her previous question, Blair tried again. "Is this the part where you buy me a drink and I act scandalized because you're a woman before revealing I'm trolling Brooklyn for secret lesbian hook-ups?"

"No," the woman stated with a wry smile. "I don't feel like contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

"I have an ID... " Blair began.

The woman held her hand up and grimaced. "Don't know. Don't care." She paused seeing the bartender bringing her a beer. Once she had her beer, she said, "Thanks, Bill."

He waited for a moment watching the two women. Blair was of the opinion he hoped for something... maybe for them to start making out or to offer him... _ugh_... a threesome. He took the hint after several painful moments of silence from both women, shrugged, and wandered back to his previous conversation.

"So," began Blair, "If you don't want to know and don't care... what do you want?"

"Bill-that's the bartender... " she started to say before Blair interrupted her.

"Heard you say his name before."

She smiled at Blair. "Good girl. Quick on the uptake. Bill's a decent guy most of the time," she continued. "He does like robbing cradles though."

Blair grimaced.

Her new friend nodded, "Yeah exactly. Just thought I would drop you a warning seeing how you're dressed like a rich girl on the run."

Blair certainly had nicer clothes than anyone else at the bar. She sighed and turned to the other woman. "Thanks," she said with all the sincerity she had left in her.

"No problem," the woman responded. "I'm Jess by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Jess. I'm... Clair. Clair Carlyle."

Jess didn't look convinced. Blair began to defend her obvious fake name, but Jess held her hands up again. "Again. Don't know. Don't care. It's nice to meet you, Clair."

Blair nodded and continued staring ahead.

"Want to talk about it?" Jess queried.

Blair looked over to her and raised an eyebrow. "Why? Do you want to hear about it?"

Jess shrugged and nodded her head towards the stage. "I suppose I would rather listen to a stranger's problems than deal with that mess."

Blair swiveled on her barstool to look in the direction Jess nodded. A slight woman with dark hair whom Blair presumed was the lead singer from the fact she still held the microphone while pointing it at two guys with guitars. She was obviously yelling at them, but Blair couldn't hear over the noise of the crowd who were starting to look less amused and more restless by the moment.

"Are you in the band?" she asked Jess.

Jess nodded. "I'm the cliche girl drummer."

"What's that about?" Blair asked gesturing towards the escalating argument.

Jess sighed. "Lexi and I broke up last week. I didn't think it would work out with both of us still in the band. I offered to quit but she insisted we both stay."

"Not working out really well."

"No, it's not."

Blair smiled.

Jess laughed. "At least you can smile at my mess."

"Sorry, Jess," Blair said looking at her again. Under the amused smile, Blair could tell that Jess was stressed. It was all over her face. Blair imagined her own face looked much the same.

"No need to apologize to me. I think we're screwed though. No way we'll get paid if we don't even finish the set."

Blair watched as Lexi stormed off the stage flipping off the two remaining band members. "Looks like that isn't very salvageable."

Jess nodded and sighed. "No kidding. That'll teach me to get involved with an art major who wants to experiment."

Blair sat in silence. She understood only too well regretting involvement with someone you fully realized you shouldn't be involved with at all.

Jess interrupted her thoughts once again. "Can't sing by chance?"

Actually, Blair could indeed sing and sing very well at that. Granted, she hadn't ever sang in a rock band or anything of the sort. The idea was ludicrous. She had trained on piano and had voice lessons when she was younger but her mother had not really cared for the idea of her daughter singing. Blair's thoughts drifted to another stage from her recent past. Not all the memories of that night were regrettable. Just the ending. She closed her eyes and remembered uninhibited dancing and enjoying every moment in Chuck's burlesque club. Suddenly she wanted that feeling again very badly.

"I can sing," she stated simply. _Maybe I won't end up being fucked in a limo by a creep at the end of this performance._

Jess stared at her seemingly surprised at the serious reply. "I write the songs as well as play the drums. I have the lyrics out in the van. I also have a change of clothes out there so you won't... stand out so much... if you're on the run or something that is."

Blair considered this. She _was_ on the run she supposed. Of course, this was possibly sans Chuck-sex the stupidest idea she had encountered in a long, long time. It was stupid enough that she couldn't resist. _Why not go out in a blaze of glory? _She said as much. "This is a remarkably stupid idea."

Jess simply nodded and said, "I don't have a better one."

Blair considered it for another moment. "Deal. Think the crowd will mind if I'm holding the lyrics while I sing?" Blair asked with another amused smile.

Jess laughed at that and stood. "No, they have enough beer in them and you're pretty enough they won't mind at all." She looked over to the bartender. "Bill, put her on my tab, okay?"

He nodded but was obviously unhappy his target was going with Jess. Blair was happy she had purposefully disappointed at least one person tonight.

Jess led her outside. "How old does your ID say you are, Clair?"

"Twenty-two."

"Good. Let's just go with that. Come on. We'll get you changed into something much less respectable and we'll fuck up your hair. That should do the trick."

The van was rather nondescript Blair saw. Black. Nothing remarkable aside from the fact she never thought she would need to be this close to something so far below her standards.

Jess slid the door open and rummaged through the back of it. She grabbed a handful of papers and shoved them at Blair. "Hold these."

Blair started looking at the song lyrics. They weren't bad at all. She might change a line or two here and there, but she didn't know how Jess would react to that. She asked while Jess continued looking for the clothes. "Jess, do you mind if I ad lib a bit?"

Jess responded while continuing to toss items around. "Hm? No. You're singing, so you should be comfortable." She came out with a handful of clothes, took the papers from Blair. "Switch," she said. "I'll watch out here while you change."

Blair stared at her. "In the van?"

"Got a better place?"

"No," Blair responded. She still didn't move.

"Is there something wrong, Clair?" Jess smirked obviously realizing her discomfort. "Look it's not that dirty."

Blair nodded. It couldn't be less sanitary than sex in a limo with Chuck Bass. She climbed in and switched clothes as gracefully as possible. At first she tried to do so without actually touching any part of the van's interior which almost immediately caused her to fall over. She heard Jess ask if everything was okay.

"Yeah!" she yelled back. She stripped quickly and slid into the jeans and tee shirt. The biker boots were way too large, but she hoped the provided socks would keep her from blistering. The tee shirt impressed her. It was crimson with a print of Barbara Kruger's work on the front. Jess had decent taste in art at least.

Blair slid the door open and stepped out.

Jess shut the door behind her and turned to look at Blair in appraisal. She whistled and said, "Not bad. Not bad. Looks like I don't have to worry about your hair either."

Blair looked in the side mirror and frowned at her devastated hair.

"What was going on in there?" Jess asked.

"Don't worry," responded Blair. "The only casualty was my dignity."

Jess laughed and clapped Blair on the shoulder. "Let's see just how bad an idea this really is," she said in good humor as she led Blair back into the club.

The night passed in a blur after that. Blair didn't know how many songs she sang as she stopped counting around six or so. The crowd loved her. Blair easily passed for a woman in her early twenties, but there was still an innocence about her the crowd liked.

After the club closed and Ed and Stevie, the other two band members loaded the instruments into the van, Jess collected their earnings, subtracted their tab, and scored a final round of free drinks off Bill for her and Blair. They sat contentedly watching the guys work. It had to be well past 4 a.m. but Blair's mind raced.

"You do have a good voice, Clair. Ever think about doing this full time?"

"Shouldn't you ask the guys?"

Jess laughed. "They won't say no. You're hot, and you're talented. You sing with a lot of passion."

Blair grimaced a bit at the idea the guys would accept her because she was hot. Still, no one in her memory had ever described her as passionate.

Jess caught on quickly. "Don't worry. They won't start anything. I'm protective of my younger cousin from Jersey."

"Jersey?"

"Rather be from somewhere else?"

Blair considered. She would rather be from many places besides New Jersey. Still...

"No, that's fine. They'll buy that I was here by accident seeing as I'm now your cousin?"

"You were here to see us. Nothing accidental about it." She paused. Blair could easily tell Jess wanted to ask more but wasn't sure what would spook her.

"I can't go home. Not yet at least. It's just too... complicated," she offered.

Jess nodded. "I get complicated. Believe me. You have a place to stay?"

Blair considered. She could change her mind and go home to luxurious Egyptian cotton sheets and designer shoes and an exquisite hot bath and all the comforts she adored, or she could run away to Brooklyn or wherever Jess called home-and probably scrape by with almost nothing for as long as she could hold out. Blair was uncertain how long that was. "I don't know, Jess."

"Oh?" Jess prompted.

"My family is wealthy... respected. They would take me back and I could go back to all the things I know. It would be hard going back and I'm not sure I want to... but..." Blair trailed off.

"It's scary, right? Thinking of leaving things behind that is."

"It most certainly is."

"Did all that make you happy?"

Blair was silent for a long moment before finally responding. "No."

"You can always go back after a few days." Jess smiled at Blair. "I'm sure that'll scare your parents straight."

For the first time in a long time, Blair felt another person's compassion. It felt strange and alien, but it also felt good. "Yeah, I suppose I can." She was possessed by an overwhelming gratitude. She leaned in and hugged Jess hard closing her eyes and saying, "Thank you."

Jess patted her back. "Anything for my favorite cousin."


	2. Little Libertine

**Author's Note: Thanks so much for the positive response to Chapter 1! My plan is to publish a chapter once I'm doing the final edit two chapters ahead. In other words, I published Chapter 1 while putting the finishing touches on Chapter 3. As I'm now writing Chapter 5 and finishing Chapter 4, here is Chapter 2 of my odd AU saga. Just so people aren't confused, I should mention that it's set now-ish instead of 2008-9 as I can't remember all the pop culture stuff from around that time. I imagine Chapter 3 will go up in a day or two, and I hope my pace continues. This thing is turning out much longer than my outline. If anyone has any questions, I would love PMs or ask away in the reviews! **

**And now for the ongoing adventures of Punk Rock Blair! (April 9, 2012)**

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**Ch 2. Little Libertine**

_I know you, Little Libertine _- "Cannonball" The Breeders

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Blair heard a voice intruding into her deep sleep. She blinked her eyes open with nearly instantaneous regret. It was so bright in the room and her head hurt so badly that she thought she might vomit where she lay. _And where am I anyway besides laying on the hardest, most uncomfortable surface known to man? _She looked around through narrowed eyes trying to at least shut out some of the light. Jess sat at the opposite end of the couch on which Blair had slept smiling at her and still nudging her foot. It had to have been Jess' voice she heard calling her out of sleep. _Okay. Last night wasn't an hallucination then._

"I hate... _sun_," she managed to croak out.

Jess laughed. "Well don't worry too much. It'll be gone in an hour or two."

"Wha?"

"It's almost five in the afternoon," she said with a laugh.

Blair sat up slowly.

"Don't move too fast, Clair. No maid service here. You puke; you clean."

Blair... _No... Clair, _she reminded herself... grimaced at the thought of cleaning up after herself if she got sick and resolved immediately to never let it come to that. "Sure."

Jess thrust a hot cup of coffee into her hands. "Drink this until we can scrounge up some real food for you."

"What did you eat?" asked Clair.

"Cereal. No milk, though. That didn't look so good when I checked." She smirked. "You gonna live?"

"Yeah... probably... maybe. Who knew a few drinks would do that to me? I'm either losing my touch or Bill slipped something into them."

Jess laughed again. "Not likely. You put a lot of energy into performing." She warmly patted Blair's leg. "You're a natural. I should have made you drink a lot more water, though."

"Won't make that mistake again."

Jess' smile broadened. "So you think you'll want to give this a shot?"

Blair considered this for several moments while studying the room. It was small and dirty. At least it was dirty by her standards, but she guessed that it was perfectly fine by most everyone else's standards. The couch was brown and plain. The carpet was somewhat threadbare. There appeared to be a single bathroom and a single bedroom and a kitchenette and a small living space. No television. A small desk that looked like it had been dragged through the street with a laptop hooked to speakers sitting on it graced the corner by the window, and a wall of CD's stood on the other side of the window. Jess seemed to keep it fairly neat and orderly which suited Blair. She was glad there wasn't any mold or anything that she could see at least.

This was going to be an adjustment; that was for sure.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts on the apartment and focused on Jess' offer. "Yes. I want to give it a shot. I need to warn you. I'm a bit of a princess." Blair smiled.

Jess laughed loudly at that. "I know. You were complaining about germs and hovels and muggers when I dragged your half-conscious ass in here last night."

Blair flushed with shame. Normally, she wouldn't have cared for a single moment if she had insulted someone, but Jess was so... well, Jess had given her something she'd had little of in the last year: hope. She lowered her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

Jess shrugged it off with a half-smile. "Don't worry about it. This may not be what you're used to, but it's home, for me at least." She took a moment to studiously re-tie the laces on her boots, and added, "and it's home for you, too... if you want."

"Really?" A part of Blair was surprised to find herself so moved by the offer to stay in a dingy Brooklyn 1-bedroom. "You'd do that for me? After how I've been talking to you?"

Jess' smile faltered. "I... look... most of the time I don't make a lot of friends. I sorta live for my music and only take time out to drink and screw. And don't worry, I can be as bitchy as you on a bad day."

Blair blinked. She wasn't used to people being quite so blunt with her.

Jess continued, looking at Blair but also seeming to gaze through her, or maybe past her. "You seemed really... I don't know... desperate, last night. Girls your age don't drink like that unless things are pretty rough. I remember some times like that ... well, far too well, really. I couldn't just sit there and watch you either keep running headlong into some real trouble, or crawl back to whatever situation drove you out here in the first place." She paused, like she needed a second to gather her words. Blair waited patiently. "And... I could use a friend, too, you know?"

Blair nodded. "Well, you have one even if everyone I know would think you're crazy."

"Why crazy?"

"I'm a pain in the ass."

Jess laughed again. "We all are, Clair. We all are." Jess looked around. "Let me get you some clean clothes because... well... I'll be honest. You stink right now." She stood and went looking for a change of clothes Blair assumed.

Blair had thought the smell was simply the odor of Brooklyn. She sniffed a bit and realized it was her. The princess part of her shriveled in horror. The part of her thoroughly sick of her life was thrilled for a moment, but that moment quickly passed as not smelling like roadkill seemed the better option. "Can I take a shower?"

"It's your apartment, too, Clair... or don't you remember shoving money in my hands last night for rent?" Jess called from the bedroom.

_Oh, God. I did that, didn't I? _Blair closed her eyes wishing she could remember all the details after the club. "Sorry if I was rude."

"Don't apologize for giving me money, Clair." Jess returned holding a change of clothes. "We'll have to get you some shoes quickly before you blister wearing those banana boats"—she gestured to the size 10 Harley Davidson boots Blair had left by the couch—"but seeing as you tried to give me about three months rent, we should be good for that." She set the clothes beside Blair. "Tell you what. I'll use some of the money for your half of the rent for two months while you get back on your feet, and you can hold on to the rest. As long as you don't mind kicking in for groceries and basic supplies, I mean."

Blair shook her head. "Not at all."

"It won't be what you're used to, Clair."

"That might be a good thing, Jess."

After showering, the two girls left the apartment and went shopping. They bought her some tee shirts and jeans and a couple of pairs of Converse sneakers. The wardrobe choices were as far from Blair's tastes as possible because she wanted to be Clair. _It's the only way this will work._They also bought some groceries and black hair coloring at the supermarket. The last made Blair nervous, but it would help her hide from any stray camera phones that might capture an image of Blair Waldorf. She also thought it was a nice contrast with Jess' platinum hair.

Back at the apartment, they put up groceries, chatted about trivialities in a get-to-know-you kind of way, and then with not inconsequential trepidation on Blair's behalf dyed her hair jet black. After it dried, she pulled it into a ponytail and looked in the mirror. The black hair provided a stark contrast with her pale skin, dark eyes, and ruby lips. She liked it. It looked very... Clair in her opinion. Her nervousness slid away to be replaced by an eagerness to slip into a new identity. She considered cutting it short right then, but changed her mind and decided to let it grow out. Longer hair would help hide her face better on stage just in case. _Besides my face is too round for short hair. _Finally, she put Blair's clothes and purse with cell phone switched off into a small box and shoved it into the back of the bedroom closet. She knew it was going to take some adjusting to living in a small space with one closet, one bathroom, and one bed. She didn't want to backslide and be tempted to returning to Blair. The bed might be problematic, though. She didn't think there was room in the apartment for a second bed and the idea of a couch-bed thing sent chills down her spine. She decided to approach the problem head-on.

"Jess?" she began.

"Yeah?"

"About sleeping arrangements... "

"You've been thinking about that, too?"

Clair nodded. She decided then and there she would only think of herself as Clair Carlyle... at least as long as she was trying this.

"The way I see it we have several options... none of which are really ideal I admit. One, we can get you your own place. That might be expensive and require more paperwork than you like at least anywhere safe enough to live. Two, we can flip a coin for the bed. I like sleeping on a bed. Not giving it up without a fight." Jess winked at her. "Three, we can alternate, but I think that would suck donkey balls. Four, we can share the bed. It's queen-size and shouldn't be hard to share. And I'll let you know right now. You're too young for me and not nearly crazy enough."

Clair laughed and admitted to herself she liked the idea of not being totally alone all the time. She felt vulnerable enough in her new situation, and Jess had not tried to take advantage of her. "There's always the problem of... " she trailed off.

"Of what?"

"... guests I suppose."

Jess' eyes widened. "Oh. I hadn't thought about that." She paused. "I guess we can hang a sock on the doorknob and the other can take the couch for the night?"

Clair considered that. It was better than nothing and most nights she could stay in the bed. "Okay. I think that will work. I don't... I don't think I'll be having guests. My last..." she couldn't continue.

Jess stood up from her seat at the small table and walked over to Clair and sat beside her on the couch. She embraced Clair in a fierce hug and said, "Don't. You don't have to talk about it unless you want to, okay?"

Clair nodded and tried not to cry.

Jess continued, "I can't promise I won't ever have guests, but I'll do my best to stay over at their place if possible and honestly like I said... after Lexi I think I need a break too. That girl was a drama bomb."

Clair laughed. "You have no idea what you've let into your life then!"

Jess joined her in laughing and sat back letting go of the hug. Clair missed the closeness but admired the genuine smile on Jess' face. "We'll see how dramatic it gets and go from there. Anyway I get a new cousin who is a great singer and helps with rent and bills."

The next few days were... an adjustment for Clair to say the least. Cooking proved to be something of an adventure as boiling water was about as far as she could confidently prepare a dish, and that wasn't a guaranteed success either. She persevered however and while she would never earn a spot in a two-star kitchen... or one star for that matter... she could at least keep herself from starving. Probably. Thankfully, Jess didn't kick her out during her culinary misadventures although Clair was sure the notion was considered. A beginning of a routine began to settle. Clair and Jess took turns cooking and doing laundry and cleaning and all the other small details of life which turned out to not be nearly as small as she had once imagined when Dorota had done these things for her. _If I do end up back in Manhattan, I promise Dorota gets a raise... and more vacations._Clair was fortunate to have Jess who kept her from burning down the building while learning to cook and destroying all their clothes when doing laundry.

The following Friday night, Clair got on a stage in a small club that was loud and smelled like stale beer and announced their new band name, Headless Queens. She looked out into the eyes of the audience and felt a thrill because she knew by the end of the performance, they would be hers. She jumped into the music and gave herself entirely to the performance. She lived and breathed the lyrics. She escaped into them and didn't look back. All that mattered was her and the audience and the music. Clair felt complete in a way Blair never had. By the end of the night, she was exhausted and wired and happy. She knew that not only could she get used to this, but it was a high unlike any she had experienced. She was wanted. She saw men and women in the audience who wanted to take her home right then and there. She saw people enjoy the music and enjoy her performance and knew they would ask if they had CD's for sale. For the first time in her life, she was the center of attention because others wanted to bask in _her_ spotlight and not because of what she threatened. It was glorious.

Six months passed quickly. Clair almost never thought of herself as Blair any longer and truthfully the name rarely even entered her mind. She never checked Gossip Girl. She never turned on her old cell phone or used her credit cards. When thoughts of her old life did happen, she would write a song to take her mind elsewhere. She found she enjoyed creating songs with Jess nearly as much as she enjoyed performing. Clair amazed herself with how much she cared about writing and performing music. Eventually, when she thought of her old life, it was distant. Even her penthouse home seemed more like her mother's home she might visit some day in the far future instead of her own home. No, Clair's home was a small apartment in Brooklyn as long as Jess wanted her. They fought occasionally, and Clair was glad of Jess' patience as she fully realized she couldn't be the easiest roommate in the world, but they always quickly made up and there were never lasting angry thoughts. Her fake "cousin" quickly became a sister in Clair's mind, and the growing success of Headless Queens insured they would always have common ground. The thought was exhilarating to Clair. She loved her new life even though it was often difficult, and she had no wish to resurrect Blair or her old life.

Unfortunately, her old life found her one night playing at a club in Williamsburg. She was on the last song of their set for the night. Recently, they had stopped being booked solely as opening acts or late hours acts and were now starting to get headline spots, which thrilled Clair as she and the rest of the band were hoping that maybe they should try to find a manager and get some sort of studio time to put together a demo. Clair pushed those thoughts out of her mind and focused on what was important... the performance. She knew the audience was there for her. They wanted her. She scanned the audience drinking in their energy and excitement, and it fueled her singing. As she ended the last song, she was still searching out through the audience connecting with them and giving to them and feeding off them when she noticed a familiar face. He still had dark, short hair and a dark, penetrating gaze. Dan Humphrey stood there watching her sing. Cabbage Patch had found her. She grabbed onto a hope that perhaps he didn't recognize her. She dressed so differently now and her hair was now jet black instead of chestnut brown. Not to mention her hair was loose and wild during performances often completely obscuring her face. _Maybe he's forgotten me..._

After the performance ended, she watched the remaining crowd drifting out. Thankfully, Dan didn't appear to be there any longer. She was safe. Clair could keep on existing. She didn't need to return to an unwanted, unnecessary life. She told Jess and the others she needed some air and stepped out through the back onto the street. The warm summer air was heavy, but not as heavy as the atmosphere inside the club where she had made a narrow escape.

"Blair?" she heard a deep voice from near the entrance of the club.

_Fuck. _She turned and watched Dan Humphrey walking up to her with a hesitant look in his eye. There wasn't any use trying to deny it. He knew. He was certain. She could see it as plain as day.

"Cabbage Patch." She turned her head to the street and leaned back against the wall of the building.

"I... I'm not sure what to say," he started.

"Then don't."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, 'Then don't.' Just turn around. Walk the other direction back to your loft and your life and Serena. Forget this. Forget me. Don't tell anyone and don't look back. Leave me alone."

He stood there. He didn't turn around. He didn't walk away. He didn't leave her alone.

"Seriously, Humphrey. I don't need this."

"What happened?" he asked. "Don't you realize how worried people were?"

"Were you worried?" she asked with a wry, sarcastic grin.

"Well... sorta. I mean... Serena was devastated."

Clair didn't want to hear that name. "No. I can't make that my problem any more."

Dan frowned.

"Stop. Stop right there, Humphrey. Go be a judgemental prick elsewhere." She glared at him willing him to leave.

He blinked at her. "Can we talk? I mean... not on the street. I want to talk to you, but I'm not sure what to say." He paused staring into her eyes with an intense sincerity that startled her. She finally got what Serena had seen when she looked into those eyes. It was a distinctly unpleasant realization.

"Fine. Tomorrow. I'm exhausted right now, and I need time to think. Got a pen?"

Clair briefly considered her odds of getting away if she started sprinting down the street while he searched for the pen. She hesitated knowing he would just notify the police or something else completely annoying and the moment passed. He fumbled a pen out of his pocket along with a small moleskin notebook. _Of course he has a pen. He's a writer. How could I forget? _

Clair gave him her address and told him to come by the next afternoon around three, which would give her time to run if she needed before he got there. "Apartment 7G. Ask for Clair if you get my roommate."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"What?"

"Roommate? Clair?"

"You want to talk? Be there and don't breathe a word of this to anyone until we've talked, got it?"

He considered and nodded. "You have my word."

She knew she could trust him. He had always been a do-gooder.

He made an awkward goodbye and made his way down the street. She watched him go. He looked back several times and each time sent a pulse of anger through her entire body. She wanted him to just keep walking and forget this, but Dan Humphrey wouldn't do that.

_Fuck._


	3. Throw Some Stones

**Author's Note: I hope I'm not throwing out these chapters too quickly for people. The positive response has been wonderful, and I sincerely hope I hold up my end of the bargain as far as standards go! This chapter so far is my favorite in many respects. I'm working on Chapter 5 right now. It's undergoing a major rewrite, but that is the life of an author. Let me know if you have questions!**

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**Ch. 3** **Throw Some Stones**

_Last night I came into your home to break some ice and throw some stones_- "Naked Eye" Luscious Jackson

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Dan arrived ten minutes early. He had never thought he would be knocking on the door of Blair Waldorf's apartment in Brooklyn. The Blair he knew thought "Brooklyn" was an epithet on par with "necrophilia". So much had happened since Blair ran away. He had wondered at times if she had just taken off, or if something awful had happened to her. He was glad in an abstract sense that she hadn't suffered some dark fate. He couldn't lie, especially to himself, and claim a great deal of sympathy for Blair, but he was glad she wasn't dead. Truthfully, he would have expected to hear that she was in some secluded island paradise living in luxury with cabana boys bringing her fruity drinks.

He sighed somewhat dramatically and braced himself before knocking. _Here goes nothing. For Serena._

He heard a muffled "Hold on" from the other side. It didn't sound like Blair. The voice sounded distinctly... Southern. The door swung open. _Definitely not Blair._Standing in front of him was a young woman he recognized as the drummer from Blair's band. She was tall. He noticed with a bit of surprise she might be two inches taller than him in her bare feet. She had platinum blonde hair similar to Jenny's and pale green eyes. A wry smile graced her face like she enjoyed a private joke at everyone else's expense.

"Um... hi," he began. "I'm Dan. Is... Clair here?" He remembered Blair's very clear instructions and wasn't sure if this woman even knew who Blair really was.

"No," the woman responded simply. She let him dangle for a moment before continuing. "She's at the laundromat. She should be back soon. Want to come in?"

Dan blinked. "She's... doing laundry?" When the woman just smirked at him, he became aware of how awkwardly he was standing in the doorway, too flustered to respond to her invitation. "... Yeah. Coming in. That would be great."

He walked into the small apartment and looked around. He saw a couch and a small kitchenette and a computer desk and seemingly endless shelves of CD's. It was mostly empty though. He couldn't conceive of Blair existing here for even brief moments. The world was turned on its head. He sighed inwardly. That had happened too many times for his liking in the past year.

The woman gestured to the couch, obviously intending him to sit. He did and folded his hands in his lap. He wasn't sure how to proceed.

The blonde walked over to the computer desk, shut her laptop, and picked up a bowl of what looked like Fruity Pebbles. _Strange time for breakfast._

She noticed him watching her eat. "Want something? Beer? Water?"

Dan was once again caught off guard, this time by the woman's nonchalance about offering alcohol to a random underage visitor. "No thanks. Is that... cereal?"

She gave him a wry grin. "Yeah. Want some?"

He took a moment to mentally go back to square one. While Dan was used to thinking of himself as a fish out of water in social situations, this encounter was awkward even by his high standards. "So..." he began again. "I'm Dan."

Same smile. "Yeah, you said that before." She chewed another bite of cereal. "I'm Jess."

"It's nice to meet you. How long have you and..." He began before she cut him off.

"Stop."

He did, and waited, a little stunned, for her to continue.

She stared at her cereal moving the spoon around in it idly a few moments before speaking very deliberately. "You're a friend from before, right? Don't speak. Just nod or shake your head."

He nodded.

"Okay. I don't know... much of anything really about Clair's life before, and I figure you don't know anything about her life after, right?"

He nodded again.

"Good. You follow instructions well." Jess dropped the grin. "So listen and listen good. When I met her, Clair was hanging by a thread... and it wasn't a very strong thread."

She put her bowl down, and picked up a lead pipe propped beside the computer desk.

Dan raised his eyebrows at that.

"Don't worry," she assured him. "This is for burglars and rapists and such. You aren't one of those, are you?"

He shook his head, hands raised defensively.

"Good. I won't mistake you for one, either—if you play by my rules. They're simple rules. You don't hurt her, got it?"

He nodded again. _I think she may be a sociopath._

"Good. Maybe you have the wrong impression." He didn't think he did really, but she continued. "Now, you might assume I'm taking advantage of Clair while she's vulnerable..."

Startled by the idea of Blair being anyone's innocent victim, Dan risked speaking up. "I don't think that. She could always take care of herself."

Jess shrugged. "You're right, but that doesn't mean she's invincible. Whatever you people did to her... she was close to breaking. No one should break like that, you understand?"

He nodded.

"So when she gets here say what you gotta say and you take her answer for what it is. You don't go behind her back and do what you think should be done, or so help me I'll find you and make you pay."

"I won't hurt her," Dan responded with full sincerity. "I think there are things she should know and she can make her own mind up."

Jess shrugged again. "I trust her to make her own decisions." She sighed. "I reckon she'll go back with you. You'll have some sob story about her parents worrying to death or something."

He started to protest, but she cut him off again.

"I don't care, Dan. I just don't care what you think or say. I care about Clair. She's tough on the outside. I've seen that in the past months, but there's a fragile part. You take her out of here, that means you protect that part of her. She'll need someone on her side, and I don't think I can be there for her in your world."

Dan pondered her words for several moments before responding. "Okay. I think you're right. How things went down..." He pressed on over her beginning to interrupt him. "How things went down wasn't good for anyone least of all Bl... Clair. Sorry. Clair. I won't let her face it alone."

"I get the impression you don't like her much."

"We haven't seen eye to eye very often."

"That ain't my problem. Rich folks like you have your problems but they aren't what I face, and they aren't what Clair's faced lately. Keep that in mind."

Dan was stunned both at being described as rich and at Blair as being described as poor. The Blair he knew would have scratched Jess' eyes out. Things had definitely changed.

"Of course," was his only response.

Jess propped the pipe against the wall again and resumed eating her cereal. She smiled again. He much preferred that to the open threats... maybe. Her smile unnerved him. "Sure you don't want a beer?"

"I'm fine, but thank you."

"Your parents at least raised you to be polite." She winked at him. "Sometimes Clair has politeness issues... but I find that's part of her charm."

Dan chuckled at that. Having been on the receiving end of Blair's "charm" on more than one occasion had left him with a different take on the matter.

The door opened and Blair entered carrying a large bag of laundry. She looked between Jess and Dan warily.

Jess cleared her throat, stood, stretched and yawned, and declared, "I'm going out for a few minutes to let you kids catch up."

Dan remained sitting still as he didn't want to spook Blair who looked decidedly skittish.

Blair dropped the laundry in the door to the bedroom as Jess passed by.

Jess patted her shoulder and moved towards the door. As she pulled the door shut behind her, she fired a parting shot. "Remember. Condoms are your friend."

The door shut. Blair's stared bug-eyed at the closed door. Dan suspected his eyes were much the same.

Blair turned her head to face him. "So not going to happen, Cabbage Patch."

Dan almost choked. "Wh... No! Of course not! I mean, not that you're not—I mean... you know what, I'm going to shut up now."

Blair smirked at him. He was relieved. He preferred her mockery. It was familiar.

He took in her appearance and how different it was from the headbands and perfect blouses and skirts from her days at Constance. She wore dark jeans and Converse sneakers and a plain white tee shirt that fit her snugly. It must have been the "condom" comment getting to him and his teenage hormones, but he noticed how well the clothes fit her and that whatever she had been doing the past six months had left her with a lean, toned figure. He also didn't mind the jet black ponytail she now sported.

When he had seen her onstage the night before, he'd experienced a wave of shock that had felt almost like being punched in the chest. He had recognized Blair instantly, even though she looked so different. And it wasn't just the way she looked. She was... energized by the performance, like something wild had shaken loose inside her. For maybe the first time in his memory, she hadn't been perfect—her boots scuffed, her hair flowing wild around her porcelain face no longer tamed by her famous headbands, some of her notes dissolving into little yelps or growls. She was singing about anger and heartbreak, and unlike her usual flippant putdowns, she delivered the lyrics with a raw sincerity that left little doubt how she really felt. In spite of himself, Dan had been mesmerized. Even the mind-blowing implications of finding her here in a club in the middle of Brooklyn couldn't budge him from his spot in front of the stage or distract him much from the driving beat of the music. He'd lain awake in bed that night thinking about it—and about her.

Shocked at his own thoughts, he stood suddenly to distract himself. He was here to try to bring her back home not hook up with her.

Blair raised an eyebrow at him and walked into the kitchen. "Want a beer?" she asked.

"That's the third time someone's offered me one since I've been here," he responded. He watched her go to the refrigerator and open it, bending down to retrieve what he assumed was a beer of her own. He definitely liked what he saw as she bent at the waist into the refrigerator. "Yeah," he declared to bring his mind back out of the most dangerous place it had wandered in a long while. "I would love a beer."

She opened hers and his, and walked over to him and handed him the beer. He sat on the couch and was surprised when she sat beside him. He had thought she would keep her distance.

He looked at her and saw a sad, distant look which he wasn't sure she was aware she was showing. The Blair he knew had always had a very neutral expression with an ever-present slight smirk when she wasn't either extraordinarily happy or extraordinarily angry. He saw in an instant the vulnerability Jess had pointedly mentioned, and he realized just how true her words were. Blair must have been shattered by the pregnancy scare and losing Nate and sleeping with Chuck and all the insanity. He found himself mentally vowing that he would protect her if she would let him. If he was going to try to bring her back for her parents and Serena, then he owed her that much at the very least.

Realizing the silence was beginning to stretch, Dan decided to get on with it. "So, Jess is... interesting."

Blair smiled. "Yeah, she's something."

Dan returned the smile. "She threatened my life if I hurt you."

Blair blinked at him.

"Don't worry. Still alive obviously and uninjured." He gave her a grin. "I get her point, though."

"Which is?" Blair asked.

"If I convince you to come back then I need to be there to help you face all of it."

"I don't need help, Humphrey." Blair was definitely nonplussed. The smile was gone and her mouth was a hard line. She narrowed her eyes and continued, "I can take care of myself."

"Definitely," he responded. "No one should have to face things alone, though."

She nodded turning her head from him with that sad, distant look again. "Yeah. Being alone isn't ideal."

"Okay," he said. "Let me give you a quick rundown. If you come back, you have me for an ally for what it's worth."

She smirked at him.

"Hey, I'm useful these days!" He grinned again. It was true. He was.

She looked at him carefully. "Maybe. Who knows?"

"Fair enough. Anyway, the rundown... You left. What happened on your end... Well, I would love to know one day... but as far as everyone else... Your mom is still not doing so well. She's a wreck."

Blair looked ready to cry.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think pulling punches helps you much."

She nodded and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand.

Dan paused. "I don't want to hurt you, Bl... Clair." He gave her a small smile. "See? I can play by your rules."

"Thank you," she said in a soft voice.

"Serena took it hard, and then Georgina Sparks destroyed her."

Blair's lip curled at the name. "Wait. You know Georgina?"

"Yeah, you could say that. She broke Serena and me up, drove Serena into an overdose and the Ostroff Center, and then kind of took over your reign of terror at Constance."

Blair grimaced at this.

Dan continued, guessing that if he stopped, Blair might not want to hear any more. "Georgina and Nate are together now. He's pretty much given up on things. I hear rumors she's blackmailing him, but no one's sure. Chuck... well, he saved Serena's life the night of the overdose and... I don't know... It hit him pretty hard. He's like a new person. I... I think he's in love with her."

"Not surprising," Blair responded to that. "Everyone always chooses her."

Dan didn't want to argue with Blair over that. It would be fruitless. He kept going instead. "And then there's my sister, if you can even call her that these days. Jenny formed some kind of evil alliance with Georgina, and we barely even talk anymore. Vanessa thinks Jenny's the real brains of the operation, but I wouldn't know, and I'm honestly not sure I care. Eric is still Eric, though. He and Chuck keep Serena sane while Lily... Lily and my dad are getting married."

The surprise was plain on Blair's face. "What about you, Cabbage Patch? Still playing the loner?"

"Mostly yeah," he responded. "I mean I'm not totally alone. Vanessa and I are together now." He had also formed something of a friendship with Chuck of all people, but he wasn't sure Blair wanted to hear more about him than was absolutely necessary.

Blair rolled her eyes. She had never been a fan of Vanessa. "Must be thrilling."

"She loves me," Dan defended.

She was quick to pick up on how he had phrased that. "And do you love her?"

The question surprised Dan. He started to tell her that of course he loved Vanessa, but he found himself not wanting to deceive Blair in any way. She wanted to get so far away from the games of the UES. He wanted to bring her back home, but he didn't want to be the first one to play games. Blair would get enough of that if she did come home.

"I... care for her," Dan finally responded. He decided to press on with his original goal instead of getting drawn down side roads. "Look none of that matters, Clair." Dan sighed. "If you come back, do it for your own future. You should at least consider finishing high school and college. Come back for your mother and father. I don't know if they'll be able to keep holding on not knowing what's happened to you. Come back for Serena. She feels terrible about how things ended." He wasn't sure he should add a last part, but he figured he might as well go for broke. "I promised Jess that I would be help you if you came back, and I will. I also promised that whatever you decide, I'll accept. I think you deserve that respect at the very least."

"I have to go back, don't I?" she asked quietly.

"No," he said truthfully. "You don't have to go back, but I think you should."

Blair only nodded in response. She stood and walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind her. He could hear her sobs turn into a full-fledged breakdown. His heart broke at the sounds. He was torn between giving her privacy and reaching out and comforting her. After maybe a couple of minutes, he couldn't stand it any longer and walked quickly to the bathroom.

Dan opened the door to find Blair sitting on the floor, shattered. Her mascara was running and tears flowed from her eyes. She looked up at him and it was like a fist clenched in his soul. He remembered a similar moment in a hallway when they shared the pain of distant, cold mothers. _How did I ever think she was all the evil of the Upper East Side distilled into one tiny package? God I'm an idiot._He had done this to her. Intentions didn't matter.

He slid down beside her and embraced her. She held him tightly as if he was the only thing keeping her from dissolving into the floor. They sat there with Dan whispering soft reassurances to her and kissing the top of her head until Jess returned.

Jess looked at them with a resigned sadness. She slid down on the opposite side of Blair and took her hand and squeezed.

All Blair could say was "I have to go back. I have to go back." It sounded like a death sentence to Dan. He promised Blair wordlessly that it wasn't going to be a death sentence.

"I'll be there for you the whole way," was all he could say. He wouldn't let her down.


	4. It's Not Coming True

**Author's Note: Thanks again for all the response here and elsewhere! I'm just really happy that I've produces something that is so far giving enjoyment to fans. I hope you enjoy this chapter as well! Would anyone be interested in the playlist I'm listening to as I write? The opening lyrics are all part of the music I'm using to inspire the story.**

**One last note is that I was asked what Headless Queens sound like. If you want to know what I think they sound like, then take a listen to The Gore Gore Girls. Of course, my head canon is not everyone's. I say that Headless Queens sound however you want them to sound.**

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**Ch. 4 It's Not Coming True**

_I've stood in a thousand street scenes just around the corner from you on the edge of a dream that you have… Has anybody ever told you it's not coming true?_ – "Black Balloon" The Kills

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Dan and Jess stayed with Clair long enough to let her pull herself together, and then the two of them excused themselves and although she could hear low conversation in the next room which she could only assume was about her, she was grateful for the small amount of privacy the closed bathroom door gave her.

She was going home. She was going to be Blair Waldorf again. The thought was like a dull weight in her stomach. Clair Carlyle was going to go away. She feared she would lose Clair and never get her back. She looked in the mirror. Her face was puffy from the crying and her makeup was a complete mess. She was a complete mess. She couldn't figure out why a fake persona mattered so much to her, but Clair did. She felt it was ironic that she was far more concerned with her rough appearance now that she knew she was returning to Blair's life. Clair wouldn't care. Clair would just shrug it off and dare anyone to screw with her. She cleaned herself up and vowed to hold onto as much Clair as she could. She feared she wouldn't be able to keep anything she had gained these past few months.

Clair exited the bathroom to find Dan and Jess engrossed in a debate over Jess' extensive CD collection. Immense relief flooded through her. It was nice that the two of them were talking about something other than her. She needed that much of a reprieve, at least. As she observed their conversation, she saw Dan more relaxed and comfortable than he had been for any of the exchanges he'd shared with her during their acquaintance. He laughed at one of Jess's cruder jokes, and shoved his hands into his back pockets in a little moment of bashfulness.

_Dan might think I'm barely worth talking to, but I can see why Serena fell for him. _It was strange for her to find Dan Humphrey in her home and not want to immediately throw him out, but he seemed to fit here. That shouldn't have been a surprise to her as he was Brooklyn born-and-bred, but Clair realized she now thought of him as part of the Upper East Side first and Brooklyn second. It was... jarring to say the least to think of herself as more a part of Brooklyn than the boy she derided as Cabbage Patch. She wondered what Dan would think of that. She also wondered what her mother might think of that if she ever dared tell her.

Dan noticed Clair standing in the doorway of the bathroom leaning against the doorframe. He smiled at her nervously, dropping the conversation midway through commenting to Jess on the relative merits of The Pixies.

Jess seeing Clair immediately went and embraced her. "I don't want to lose you, Clair," she said. "But I know you need to go home. I'll... miss you."

Clair could feel Jess tearing up and knew if she didn't stop that she would cry again, too. "You aren't getting rid of me that easy, Jess." She squeezed as much love into the hug as possible before pulling back and smiling at Jess in what she hoped was a reassuring manner.

"You better not disappear on me," Jess responded. "We have two shows next weekend, right? And if things get too rough just pretend you're back at Luigi's and book it for Brooklyn." Jess winked at her.

Clair laughed at that.

Dan appeared confused. "Luigi's?"

Jess answered. "Do you think we pay for all the luxury you see around you just by playing local clubs?"

Dan blinked.

Clair took up where Jess left off. "Jobs, Humphrey. We have these things called 'jobs.'" She smiled at him.

If anything Dan's befuddlement grew. "You... work?"

Jess let out a loud laugh that shook her whole body. "You act like someone just told you Santa isn't real."

He gave Clair a frank look. "I think I might have an easier time believing in a fat, old guy living with elves and reindeer at the North Pole than you working." He scrunched his face seemingly regretting his words immediately. "I'm sorry," he said. "I still have a problem with talking before the reasonable parts of my brain catch up."

Clair walked over to him with a stern look on her face. She paused in front of him. After a few moments in stony silence, Dan began to fidget. She broke the silence by punching him in the arm.

"Ow!" he cried and rubbed his arm while giving her a puzzled look.

She responded with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "I'm not an invalid, Humphrey."

Dan smiled at her and she returned his smile. Going home might be more okay if she had an ally who accepted her life here.

Jess evidently found this hilarious as she sprawled on the couch and shook with laughter. "You know..." she said through the laughter, "I was... joking before... about the condoms, but I can... I can give you two some time alone if you need it."

She continued to laugh as both Clair and Dan exchanged glances both faces having gone scarlet. They realized how close they had been standing to each other and how easily the smiles were coming and how the glances seemed to be becoming much more... meaningful.

Simultaneously they shifted away from each other and turned to face Jess, Dan proclaimed, "I'm dating Vanessa!" and Blair yelled, "I still have standards, Jess!" All of this simply furthered Jess' laughter. It was infectious and both Dan and Clair began laughing as well.

Recovering, Dan repeated his earlier question. "So... Luigi's?"

Clair blushed again, and Jess responded still highly amused, "Clair isn't always... an ideal employee."

Dan raised an eyebrow at them.

Clair sighed. "There may have been... an incident, Humphrey."

Jess snorted at that. "What she's trying to say is that she lasted two weeks at a little Italian place called Luigi's washing dishes before the chef got a bit handsy. One ass-grab later, and Clair's response was to break a plate across his face."

Clair smiled smugly.

Dan was stunned silent.

Jess continued, "Don't get me wrong. She's done fine. Pulled her weight and paid rent and bills, but sometimes she doesn't take orders so well." Jess winked again at Clair who simply harumphed, blushed, and played at studying the cracked paint on the walls.

"Wow," was the only response Dan could muster. "Remind me not to grab your ass."

If anything Clair's blush deepened as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh, Humphrey, don't worry. It wouldn't be a mistake you make twice."

Suddenly, Dan recalled the sight of her bending over to get a beer out of the refrigerator and his blush returned with fury.

Clair raised her eyebrows at him. _Is he thinking about grabbing... _She was unable to continue the thought or she might die of embarrassment. She stalked to the bedroom muttering about getting her things ready as Dan muttered about looking through the CD's.

Jess simply shook her head and said, "Kids."

An hour later and after several assurances between Jess and Clair that they wouldn't let anything keep them from staying in touch and that she wasn't quitting the band no matter what her mother said or thought, Dan and Clair got into a taxi headed for Manhattan. Clair was silent for the entirety of the ride and occasionally her thoughts drifted to the previous conversation. She hid her blushes and awkwardness by watching the streets pass along out the windows. He hid his blushes and awkwardness by prattling on about Jess' CD's and how great the Headless Queens' performance was and his dad's business trip that had taken him to LA for the week and a couple dozen other topics.

The taxi stopped in front of Blair Waldorf's building. Clair sighed and stepped out of the taxi. She heard Dan tell the driver to hold on a minute and shortly she was aware of him joining her looking up at the building.

"There isn't any backing out now is there?" she asked.

Dan shook his head. "You can always change your mind."

She looked at him. Sincerity was etched into his face as he looked at her with concerned eyes. "You would let me just walk away?"

"I wouldn't like it, but I don't see how I could stop you." He shrugged.

"You could ride up that elevator and tell Eleanor everything."

"I won't. I promised."

She stood silently for several moments. "And you would be okay with that?"

"No," he replied, and she could see the sincerity in that, too.

"That figures," she said with a small, sarcastic smile.

"You make me sound so judgey." He returned the smile.

"You are judgey, Humphrey." She broke her gaze from his and continued. "Your meter is still running."

He nodded. "Yeah. It's okay. Lily gives me an... allowance." Dan grimaced.

"Don't look so sad, Cabbage Patch. I'll be lucky if I'm allowed out without a leash after this."

She sighed again. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

She replied truthfully, "Even though you still think of me as Blair, you're on my side in this. No one has ever been on Blair Waldorf's side without... wanting something in return. Except for Serena." _And that relationship has its own complications _was the part she didn't add.

"Um..." he began nervously.

"What, Humphrey?" she asked unsure of what was causing him to be so nervous. _Does he want something in return? Has he been playing an angle? _She wouldn't have thought it of Dan Humphrey, but the way he blushed earlier...

"You asked me to only call you Clair."

She blinked. "Yes, but we're back in the Upper East Side now."

He looked at her with the same intensity as the night before when he stared at her while she performed onstage. "If you want, you're still Clair to me."

Something gripped inside Clair's stomach. Without thought, she turned to Dan grabbed him by his collar, pulled him close watching as his eyes widened in surprise, and kissed him gently on the lips for a brief moment. She quickly released him and he stood straight, blushing.

"I'm... dating Vanessa," he stammered.

Clair smiled at him. "I'm aware." She dropped her smile. "I'm sorry. I should respect you more than to have kissed you like that. It was just momentary insanity. Don't worry, I think my days of destroying relationships for sport are behind me." She hoped he would tell her she wasn't insane and... she wasn't sure what. She felt so alone going to face her mother. _Maybe that's what it is. Maybe I'm just desperate to be close to someone. _Kissing Dan Humphrey was a horrible idea.

"Um... it was a nice kiss?" he stated, although it came out as a question.

"It was." Her smile returned. He didn't tell her she was completely sane and he felt like kissing her again, but it was nice for her to see she had some effect on him. "Go home, Cabbage Patch, or go to Vanessa. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I can go up with you."

She needed to hear that so badly that she almost kissed him again. She decided immediately that Dan Humphrey wouldn't be dating Vanessa Abrams for much longer if she had anything to say about it. The unbidden thought shocked her, and she almost took him up on his offer, but instead said, "No. I need to face her alone." _What is wrong with me? I seriously can't be having fantasies about Dan Humphrey! _And she also wondered, why not? It wasn't as if she held prejudice against Brooklyn any longer. One word came to mind, though, and it was the only answer necessary. _Serena._

He nodded and began to get in the cab saying, "If you're sure. I know you're strong enough."

"Humphrey?" she stopped him.

He looked up at her seemingly ready to stop and come up to the penthouse with her.

"Thanks and please keep using my name... the name I've chosen."

"Sure thing, Clair," he responded with an easy smile. "One condition."

"Yeah?"

"Call me 'Dan' at least once in a while."

Clair chuckled. "But 'Cabbage Patch' suits you!"

He smiled and shut the door to the cab. Clair turned and entered the building to go up to her mother's home.

The doorman was startled at her appearance, but she simply stared at him imperiously until he let her through. She told him not to call ahead because her mother was expecting her. This was a lie, but she at the very least wanted the element of surprise. Several lifetimes passed before the elevator arrived at the penthouse.

She breathed deeply as the elevator dinged announcing her arrival. She stepped out and into her past. The penthouse seemed mostly unchanged. It was elegant and beautiful and cold. It was also... foreign. In that instant, Clair knew this wasn't her home any longer. She knew her mother wouldn't share that opinion, and she steeled herself for the fights to come.

She heard a sharp intake of breath and turned to see Dorota standing shocked from where she had been coming to greet whatever visitor had just arrived.

"Miss Blair!" exclaimed Dorota loudly. If her mother were home, she would have to have heard. Dorota didn't move closer as if she was afraid an illusion stood before her.

Hearing the name "Blair" was jarring to her. She didn't hate who she used to be. She simply liked who she was now so much better.

There was another exclamation of surprise as her mother came into view from the top of the stairs. Eleanor hurried down the stairs quickly followed by a shorter man who smiled broadly. Clair had no idea who he was but either her mother had rented out her room, or this man was... involved with her mother. The thought sent twisting emotions through her. She felt a pang of jealousy because a part of her would always want her father with her mother. She also felt happiness for her mother. At least she hadn't spent the entire time Clair had been gone miserable and alone. A surge of relief hit Clair. She hadn't allowed herself to consider the idea of her mother in despair over her daughter and facing it alone. The concept was so overwhelming and frightening that even now after returning, it threatened to break what resolve she had. At least her daddy had Roman as much as she wished he was still here.

Her mother embraced her as if she might never let her go. _Come to think of it, she might not. _"Mom, I'm... I'm home." was the only thing she could say even if it wasn't her home in her heart.

The small man laughed and joined the hug. Clair was stunned at the embrace and unsure of how to respond.

"Mister Cyrus is hugger," Dorota offered as way of explanation. She still hadn't moved from the spot where she first saw Clair.

He laughed at that. "I certainly am! You can never have enough hugs in your life!"

She laughed in spite of herself. "Yes, but breathing might be nice, too."

Her mother and Cyrus broke away slowly. Her mother was crying. She didn't realize that was even something that happened. She hadn't cried when Daddy left. She shouted and stormed around the penthouse but tears weren't something she had ever seen from her mother.

"Dorota!" Her mother began. "Blair will need her room readied. And food. Have you been eating, Dear? Oh, and Dorota some tea for Blair... and I could use a drink."

Clair felt this was already slipping from her control. She needed to remember who she was now and use that strength. "Mother, just stop. Don't run Dorota into the ground."

Her mother stopped in surprise. She was not a woman used to being contradicted. Cyrus petted her arm soothingly. Clair was immediately thankful this small, strange, cheerful man was here. It might be the difference between what would be a tough night and complete armageddon.

Clair pushed her advantage. "Let's just sit. We should talk."

Eleanor nodded looking at her daughter as if seeing her for the first time since she had come out of the elevator. Perhaps not dressing as Blair had been a mistake. She still had her clothes from that night she fled, but she had wanted at least once to be Clair in front of her mother before she resumed her life as Blair. Instead she wore her now-standard jeans and Converse sneakers and her favorite brown tee shirt she had scored at an Interpol concert.

Silently, they filtered into the living area. She, her mother, and Cyrus sat. Dorota began to leave.

"Dorota," Clair... _No, I have to be Blair now, _she thought with regret... Blair began. "Dorota, please sit by me." She patted the cushion beside her on the sofa.

Eleanor was shocked as was Dorota. Cyrus smiled and winked at Blair. Blair returned his smile and motioned for Dorota who looked at Eleanor. Eleanor nodded impatiently, and Dorota came and sat by Blair.

Blair looked at Dorota and then hugged her. "I know you were worried, too, and I'm sorry." She turned to face her mother as well. "I apologize to all of you." _Yes, start with apologies especially as I mean them before stating my terms. _It saddened her a bit how easily the maneuvering came back to her. She had enjoyed the necessity of not plotting her every move. Seemingly, It was like riding the proverbial bike, and the ability returned as easily as breathing.

Eleanor's patience broke. "Where were you? What happened? I thought you were dead!"

Cyrus took Eleanor's hand and said, "Turtle Dove, give her a chance to speak!"

_Turtle Dove?_ _Okay._ "Thank you, Cyrus." Blair took a deep breath. _Now for the hard part. _"I'm not going to tell you where I was or what happened..."

Her mother interjected loudly. "What do you mean? I'm your mother and you _will _tell me!"

"No," was Blair's response. "I'm not going to talk about that except to say that I wasn't on the street. I had a roof over my head, and I did nothing illegal. The rest... is private. All I will say is that I was safe."

Her mother's outrage was unmistakable. "This is simply not an acceptable answer, Blair!"

"But it's the only one you're getting." Blair was determined and hoped that determination showed. "Mother, there's no profit in it. I ran away. I was weak and scared... and I ran. I was lucky that I found friends-and no I will not tell you about them yet-and they gave me a place to stay."

Her mother's face twisted through several emotions, making her essentially unreadable. That made Blair nervous. She would prefer to be able to predict what her mother was thinking.

Her mother sighed and decided on what Blair could now see was determined patience. "What in the name of God did you do to your hair?"

Blair snorted. "Sorry. I wasn't expecting that question."

Her mother raised an eyebrow at her expecting an answer.

This at least was something she could answer without betraying herself or Jess. "I dyed it because I wouldn't be as easy to recognize."

Her mother did not respond simply blinking at her.

"You have to admit, Mother, the point of running away isn't to be caught within a day."

Her mother grimaced. "At least it will grow out."

"I'm keeping it this color, Mother." Her mother began to protest, but Blair spoke over her. "This isn't something up for debate. You're welcome to do what you like with your hair."

Her mother smiled. That made Blair nervous. "Fine," Eleanor responded. "We'll discuss something important that also isn't up for debate. School."

Blair's stomach dropped. She had certainly walked into that one. "Okay. I think Yale is probably out of the question and I'll have to finish my junior year. I'm sorry that my graduation will be delayed, but I'll do everything I can to put that in order."

Her mother laughed. "Blair, I wouldn't write Yale off so soon, and we still have seven weeks of summer break left. I'll arrange for you to study and take placement exams before the new year starts. With hard work, you'll still be on track."

Being a senior would certainly be better than being a junior. "Of course. I'll make sure to pass the exams with flying colors. You'll be proud of me."

Cyrus interjected. "Blair, your mother is always proud of you."

_You could have fooled me. _She decided that might not be the most successful point to make, so she said diplomatically, "Thank you, Cyrus. I'll do everything I can to succeed..."

She paused again nervously.

Her mother tilted her head. "You're fidgeting, Blair. What is it?"

"Maybe I'm just nervous about coming home?"

Her mother's eyes narrowed. "No, you don't want to say something. I still know you well enough to see that."

Blair sighed. "Yale may not be what I want anymore." She moved to head off another round of shocked recriminations from Eleanor. "I'm not saying it's out of the question! I just need time to adjust to being back."

Eleanor didn't like it, but with a glance at Cyrus she nodded to Blair. "All right. We'll discuss that later." She stood. "I'm going to call your father, and I imagine he'll be on the next flight out of Paris. I think you should have some dinner and get some rest. Dorota..."

Blair interjected. "Mother, I'll make my own dinner."

Both Eleanor and Dorota stared at her as if they wanted to ask where the real Blair was.

Blair smiled ruefully and added, "I've been cooking for myself for a while, Mother. Dorota should go home. It's late."

Dorota didn't give Eleanor time to say anything. "Miss Blair, I have missed you. I wish to cook for you and see you to bed."

Blair smiled at her. "Okay. I appreciate it. I'll help cook, though. I want to feel useful. Do we have any Mac and Cheese?"

She thought her mother might pass out. "Mac and Cheese?" her mother muttered almost to herself. Dorota's eyes were wide.

Blair shrugged. "I like Mac and Cheese."

Cyrus laughed and came and hugged Blair again. _This will take getting used to._"Let her have what she wants, Eleanor. Let's just be thankful she's home!"

Blair smiled. This Cyrus wasn't bad at all. _Tomorrow won't be any easier,_ she reminded herself. _I have to talk to Serena._


	5. We Pray So Breathlessly

**Author's Note: It's been a wild week or two on both the personal and professional front and to be honest this chapter had to be rewritten a few times as it has many moving parts making it difficult to get precisely what I wanted. My beta was wonderful in helping me get it corralled! Chapter 6 should follow much more quickly and I hope you enjoy this! I love reading your reviews!**

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**Ch. 5 We Pray So Breathlessly**

_Every night on sep'rate stars, before we go to sleep, we pray so breathlessly_ – "We Three" Patti Smith

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The buzz of an incoming text message pulled Dan from a restless sleep the next morning. As he half-opened his eyes and started to sift through his confused thoughts, the first thing he noticed was the time. 8:30 AM. It took a few minutes for curiosity to overcome his desire to simply pull the comforter back over his head and drift back off.

_Meet me at 10 at the duck pond_. – _B_

Succinct. Commanding. Classic Waldorf. He wasn't sure how he felt about that – or, for that matter, where she was telling him to meet her. He truly had no clue what duck pond she was talking about. He quickly texted back a confused response and a few moments later, directions to the pond in Central Park were forwarded to his phone.

Dan dropped the phone on the pillow beside him and considered the source of his conflicted feelings, one Blair (sometimes Clair Carlyle) Waldorf. Last night she had kissed him. In and of itself that wasn't his source of conflict. Being kissed by beautiful girls shouldn't and wouldn't be a source of complaint for him. The problem was _who _had kissed him and the fact that he had liked it. A lot. That was a problem, as he had no intention of cheating on Vanessa, especially with someone in Blair's state of mind. Too much was uncertain and too much was happening too quickly for him to be certain she liked him well enough to date him and not just declare herself temporarily insane. That was the fifth time that particular thought with the word "date" attached to it had passed through his mind since he had put himself in a cab last night, come back to Lily's penthouse, done his best to be quietly antisocial with claims of wanting to get some writing done, and then tried for several stressful hours to force himself to fall asleep before finally achieving a fitful slumber. He was quite aware this particular idea with that particular word had engendered a very particular panic in him precisely five times as each and every single instance had led him to question his own sanity as well as Blair's. Finding Blair in Brooklyn singing in a band was surreal to say the least. Coming to the conclusion that Blair was not just some couture-clad UES social assassin and had been trying to hold together her life in the face of one disaster after the next was a paradigm shift as well. Kissing her and possibly romancing her (that panic surged through him a sixth time) was likely a bridge too far for his psyche.

And then he thought of how close she had sat beside him on the couch in her Brooklyn apartment, and he thought of how delicate and vulnerable she had seemed sitting and crying in her bathroom at the thought of coming back to the Upper East Side, and he thought of the defiant flash in her eyes as she proudly told him of making her own life on her own in Brooklyn... and he thought of how soft her lips felt pressed against his when he dropped her at her mother's home, and then he realized he wasn't feeling a panicky urge any longer but a much different kind of urge. _No,_ _this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas. Think about Serena. Think about how Blair treated Jenny last year. _She might have changed, but this was a complication that couldn't be entertained.

Dan suddenly felt no sleepiness. His turmoil had given him renewed energy. He stood and made his way to his bathroom. He quickly showered and put on clothes before slipping out of the penthouse, fortunately before anyone had woken. It wasn't until he was coming out of the building that he realized he hadn't for a single moment considered not answering the text or telling her that he wasn't going. He set off towards Central Park with a determined stride and an even more determined mind. He would navigate this without becoming more socially entangled with Blair Waldorf. He, not his hormones, controlled his emotions.

As he approached the pond, his resolve had unconsciously dissolved until all that was left was eagerness and a not-inconsiderable amount of nervousness. He saw Blair sitting on a bench looking out at the ducks before she saw him. He was surprised although perhaps he shouldn't have been to see her dressed like the Blair of old. She wore a black or navy blue skirt—he couldn't tell from a distance which color it was—and a dark green blouse with a matching headband. Her hair was no longer pulled back into a ponytail but fell in curly, glistening waves around her shoulders. Her lips had a ruby gloss to them he found entirely too inviting and he mentally willed himself not to stare at her lips. Dan wondered if that was a battle he could successfully fight. Completing the ensemble were dark grey tights and black Mary Janes. Beside her was a large loaf of bread presumably for feeding the ducks. Blair sat properly with her hands folded in her lap waiting Dan assumed on his arrival.

He waved to catch her attention as he approached. She offered him a nervous smile and his stomach leaped about a bit while he walked. She had a very pretty smile.

"Hi," he said as he slid onto the bench beside her with the baguette between them.

"No plaid today?" she asked by way of greeting with a raised eyebrow.

"Hm?" he asked surprised and considered his own clothes realizing for the first time he had bypassed his usual style of dress for something a little more fashion forward than Brooklyn Coffee Shop Chic. This made him feel even less in control of himself than ever. "I don't wear plaid _all_the time, Clair." He was very conscious to use her chosen name, as that made her happy and Dan Humphrey was quickly coming to the conclusion one of his favorite things was a happy Blair Waldorf - as strange as that might once have seemed to him.

Her nervous smile transformed to a broad, unreserved grin and she responded, "You look nice." She broke the bread in half, handed him one section, and immediately began to break off small parts of her end. The ducks noticed this immediately and began circling near them. Blair focused her attention on the ducks and her nerves seemed to return in full force.

"Is… everything okay?" he prompted.

She shook her head and continued feeding the ducks.

Dan joined her in feeding the ducks from his bread supply and tried again. "I'm on your side, Clair. I meant my promise."

She flashed her small smile at him again. "My daddy is going to be home in an hour or so. He took the first available flight out of Paris."

Suddenly things clicked. "Is that why you've dressed like…" he drifted off without completing the question unsure of how she would react to him bringing up her life as Blair.

She completed the question for him. "Like Blair?" She sighed and sat back staring at the blue morning sky. "I am Blair, Dan. I wasn't in a fugue state or having a psychotic break."

He smiled. She called him Dan. How pleased he was at this immediately set off alarms in his mind. "I never said you were crazy. I only thought you wanted to keep the identity you created for yourself."

Blair avoided looking anywhere but at Dan. Her smile was gone and a tension had invaded her face. "I don't want Daddy looking at me like I'm a stranger," she said with a small voice.

"Oh," was his only response. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. "I don't think that's possible. You'll always be his daughter. He'll know you."

She chuckled at that. "Still I can only imagine his expression if he saw me dressed like a Williamsburg hipster."

Dan joined her laugh. "Hipster? I didn't think you were dressed like a hipster."

Blair rolled her eyes at him. "Humphrey, one thing I had to stop doing was lying to myself. I've completely succumbed to the hipster aesthetic."

He laughed with her. "If you say so, Clair." He was unsure how to proceed though and simply dived in. "You do realize though that how you dress doesn't define the person you are?"

She smirked and replied, "I think you underestimate the power of fashion, Dan."

"You'll get no argument from me on that."

She leaned into him and nudged him with her shoulder. "Going to finish that bread?"

He handed over the remains of his half-loaf. "Go for it."

She resumed feeding the ducks before speaking. "Daddy has always looked at me like I'm special. What if he doesn't think that any more?"

"And that's why you're dressed this way?"

She only nodded and tossed the last of the thread into the pond.

Dan considered for a brief moment whether his inner indecision mattered more than giving Blair what she needed and he was angry at himself that it even took any thought at all. He scooted himself over the few inches between them and pulled her into a hug. She immediately relaxed into him.

"Clair, he'll love you no matter what. You're his daughter and you're wonderful."

She looked up at him but did not break away. "You think I'm wonderful?"

He couldn't seem to break his eyes away from hers. "Yes," he answered. This time he initiated the kiss. He had no idea how long this kiss lasted. For some unfathomable reason he couldn't explain, he seemed unable to focus on the outside world while kissing her. Finally, they both pulled away with ragged breath.

She smiled up at him. "I think you've probably ruined my lip gloss."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." She leaned into his chest and sat very still while he held her.

"I don't know precisely what's going on," he said with a sigh. "This is a bit of a whirlwind for me."

"Me too," she replied and nuzzled her head into his shoulder. "Do you need to slow down?"

"Do you?"

"No fair," she said with a laugh. "You can't answer a question with a question."

He squeezed her shoulder. "I don't know. I can't seem to think straight right now."

"Want me to do the thinking for both of us?"

Dan chuckled. "Not if it means you sticking me on a plane for Lisbon for my own good."

Blair laughed and pulled away looking up into his eyes. "Casablanca?"

He nodded. "One of my favorites."

"Mine, too," she said.

"Really?" he asked. "Audrey Hepburn isn't in Casablanca."

She playfully slapped his shoulder. "I have a bit more range than that, Cabbage Patch!"

He shrugged and winked at her.

"Okay," she said dropping the grin. "How about we get through today and then think about…" she waved her hand around in an inclusive gesture. "This. Whatever this is."

Dan was puzzled. "Why do 'we' need to get through the day?"

Blair's eyebrows rose. "Have you talked to Serena or Lily?"

He shook his head.

"Your family is coming over for lunch. Everyone will be there, including my dad."

"Oh. I sort of avoided everyone last night because I didn't want to risk saying you were back until you were ready."

She embraced him in a strong, fierce hug that lasted for more than a minute. "Thank you for considering me. I'm sorry if I put you in a difficult situation."

Dan stroked her hair and whispered. "Nowhere I would rather be."

He held her for a few more minutes in silence with the two of them watching the ducks. It was... nice. He hadn't had a peaceful moment in the company of another person in a long time. He had no idea what to do about his relationship with Vanessa, but he knew it couldn't go on - at least not while whatever this thing with Blair was happening. He didn't want to hurt Vanessa, but he had never expected something like what he had stumbled into with Blair, and he still wasn't sure why he was drawn to her so strongly. Part of him was still living in complete dread of breaking things off with Vanessa and facing Blair's parents and his father and Jenny and most of all Serena... well that part of him was pretty sure this would blow up in his face. The other part though had no words for how thrilled he was. This was so similar to what he had felt with Serena, but even though it had only been a year since his immaturity had destroyed that relationship, he felt so much more able to see who Blair truly was without all the judgmental preconceptions he would have brought into this, and he vowed not to make the mistake he had made with Serena and put Blair on a pedestal and demand she live up to the image.

She stirred against his chest and sat up straight. "Are you coming to lunch?"

Dan smiled. "Of course. Wouldn't miss it."

"I'm sure it's going to be... interesting," Blair replied.

"Who do you think blows it up first? Your mother? Lily? Serena?"

"My money's on me to be honest." Blair winked at him.

Dan chuckled at that. "Can't bet on yourself, Clair."

She sighed and her hesitation was obvious to him, but he settled for nervous patience until she was ready. He hoped he hadn't said something to discourage her. "Dan," she began. "For now and especially in front of my family and Serena, I think I need to go back to 'Blair.'"

Dan cupped her cheek and kissed her softly. He was amazed he was being this forward, but he seemed to lose all common sense around this girl. "Blair or Clair. Doesn't matter. You're still you. Are you a different person than you were a year ago? Of course. Everyone changes. Your name isn't the important part. Who you are now is who you choose to be."

She shook her head at him. "I don't think I'm the only one that's changed."

He laughed. "Should I be offended?"

She joined his laughter. "No, of course not. I just remember a boy who wasn't very sure of himself..."

"And don't forget judgmental. I'm aware that I could be a bit difficult in that regard."

Blair frowned at him. "I was only going to say a bit unsure and wary of getting involved in the Upper East Side. Of course if you want some constructive criticism and perhaps a list of improvements you could enact..."

Dan smiled wryly at her. "I'll be sure to check with you first."

Blair checked her watch. "We should go. My dad is probably home already and Mother has likely sent out search parties. And your family is due soon, too."

He checked his phone. "No one has called me. Come to think of it though... they probably don't think I know or even care about the lunch. Why hasn't your mom called you?"

"Turned my phone off. Not turning it on until I get back to the penthouse either. I wanted to spend some time disconnected from all of that even if it's just a few moments."

"Blair Waldorf goes offline. It truly is a new world we live in." Dan smirked at her.

She narrowed her eyes and smacked his chest. "Up, Humphrey! Escort me home if you can't get past your vile Brooklyn manners."

"You've just spent the past six months living in Brooklyn, Blair." Dan replied sarcastically. He stood and offered her his hand.

She took his hand as he helped her stand. She brushed some bread crumbs off her skirt and then smoothed his shirt, brushing crumbs off that as well. "That should lend more weight to my analysis. You should see me in my Brooklyn persona, Cabbage Patch. I don't even wear shoes when I'm running moonshine to Queens."

Dan laughed. "Yes, Blair Waldorf: Hillbilly."

She nodded solemnly. "It was very liberating."

Dan was glad of the banter as it relaxed both him and Blair on the walk to the penthouse. When they arrived, he paused at the door. "Should we go in separately?"

Blair appeared puzzled. "Why?"

"I don't know, Blair... plausible deniability?"

Blair looked up at him and said in a very serious manner, "I don't want to deny that you're my friend, Dan."

She didn't wait for a response and walked inside. Dan followed. As they exited the elevator to the Waldorf residence, all eyes turned to them in silence. Dan's dad wasn't back yet, but Lily, Serena, Eric, and Jenny were there. The two girls were staring daggers at him and Blair. Lily had her near-permanent bemused expression, although it was focused on Dan, which was a rare occurrence. Eric had that look of half-amusement and half-wishing to be anywhere else look he had when the drama was about to crank up to eleven. _What's going on? It can't be that I got out of the elevator with Blair._He noticed that Blair's parents also seemed rather annoyed. Blair's maid, whom Dan could not quite recall by name, seemed to be trying simultaneously to serve drinks and get out of the room.

Blair stopped in her tracks. "What?"

Jenny sneered and Dan knew trouble inevitably followed that expression. She held up her phone. Dan and Blair walked over to see a recent Gossip Girl blast. It was a very clear picture of the two of them kissing at the duck pond.

**Spotted! Former Queen B has lowered her standards to include Brooklyn charity cases! I've been hearing rumors she was back in town, but now it's confirmed, Dear Readers! And she's wasted no time in stirring up drama. How will S react to B taking S's cast-offs and making them hers?**

"Great," Dan replied.

Blair simply shrugged as if she didn't see the big deal.

"That's it?" Jenny shrieked. "You're sleeping with Blair behind Vanessa's back and that's all you have to say?"

Dan saw Serena blanche and turn away, and he could practically feel the burning glare from all three parents as Jenny's tirade heightened in both pitch and volume. Dan needed to calm this down quickly before blood was shed. He began to speak but Blair managed to interject first.

"First of all, Little J, I'm not sleeping with your brother. I kissed him. His virtue is intact and he hasn't cheated on anyone. I kissed him. He pulled away but that doesn't make for a nice Gossip Girl scandal, does it?"

Dan blinked. She had just said she didn't want to deny being his friend, and the realization struck him. She was protecting him. He wasn't sure he should let her do it.

Before he could formulate a response to this quickly shifting conversation, Blair's mother jumped in. Her father sat in stony silence similar to Lily and Serena. "How dare you run off without telling me or keeping your phone charged, Young Lady! I..."

Blair interrupted again. "My phone is charged. It's simply turned off."

Eleanor's eyes bugged.

Turning to Dan, Blair said, "This is going to get uglier. You should bail while you can."

That reminded Dan. Chuck would have seen the blast. Dan needed to do damage control before this got even more stupid. He ignored the protests of both families and told Blair, "Yeah, I do have to bail, but it's because I have to fix something."

"Vanessa?" Blair asked as they both continued to ignore Jenny's and Eleanor's demands for attention.

"No," he replied honestly. "I'll explain soon. I'm not hiding anything. I just don't want to stack it on top of all this." Dan backed towards the elevator.

Blair smiled at him and stuck her tongue out at him. "Coward."

Dan laughed as the elevator closed.

On his way to Chuck's apartment, Dan tried and failed to formulate some sort of plan or story. He felt a completely lacking in control, and that wasn't something he preferred, he readily admitted. He didn't know how Chuck would react to Blair being back in town or to the Gossip Girl blast.

Chuck had been devastated when Blair ran off. Even Dan could see that at the time, and that was back when neither Dan nor Chuck would have spit on the other if they were on fire. Things had changed, though, when Georgina had rolled back into town. Dan was ashamed to admit that he had been taken in by her subterfuge, and his and Serena's budding relationship was one of the two casualties.

The other was Serena's sobriety. Fortunately she had survived the overdose, but only because Chuck had gotten her to the hospital. Dan remembered standing beside her hospital bed and looking down at her in a coma, her hair limp and matted, her slender frame looking horribly fragile. Serena had never appeared fragile. She was strong and golden and vibrant. In the hallway outside of the quiet hospital room, he'd thrown a wild punch at Chuck, assuming that this mess must have been his fault. It took both his dad and Eric holding him back for him to listen to the whole story, and find out that Chuck was only on the scene because Georgina had given him a call after deciding that she was bored with torturing Serena. Out of a loyalty that Dan had never seen in him before, Chuck had gotten to Serena's apartment as soon as he could, and the paramedics said he'd probably saved her life.

An uneasy peace had formed after that between the two as Serena no longer truly trusted Dan-not that he blamed her-and Chuck became the only person who could get through to her. Dan also had to admit that she got through to Chuck. He was still a person Dan would describe as a scoundrel, but taking responsibility for another person had given him purpose and moderated his excesses.

But now, thanks to this week's events, Dan felt their unlikely friendship at risk. Any threat to Serena's well-being tended to push Chuck's behavior to the edge, and beyond that, Dan doubted that he'd ever really gotten over Blair since her disappearance. As awkward as this conversation was going to be, he knew he owed it to Chuck to face him man-to-man.

Arriving at the apartment, Dan didn't bother knocking. He and Chuck had moved past that level of formality months ago. He saw Chuck standing with a drink in hand gazing out the window with a dark expression on his face. _So he knows._

"I take it you saw?" Dan opened the conversation, giving Chuck a chance to handle this how he wanted.

"Yes, Daniel, I saw the blast."

Well, it was the direct approach today.

Chuck continued without turning from the window. "Was it accurate?"

Dan wasn't going to bother lying. Chuck would find out and dishonesty would complicate things further. "Not precisely."

Chuck did turn at that. No smirk, though. Dan knew that meant the situation was far from defused. "Oh? Do go on."

"I did kiss her. I didn't know where she was all this time, if that's what you think."

Chuck nodded and moved to his sofa, sitting down smoothly and propping an ankle on his opposite knee with his arm outstretched over the back of the sofa. He swirled his drink around his glass silently.

Dan took the opportunity to sit in the chair opposite Chuck. "I found her two days ago in Brooklyn..."

Chuck snorted in surprise. "Brooklyn? Seriously?"

"Dead serious. She's singing in a punk band."

Chuck frowned at Dan in obvious confusion.

Dan laughed. "No, I'm not making this up. I saw her. I approached her. I convinced her to come home for her parents... and for Serena."

Chuck grimaced at that. "You should have let me know."

Dan raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "I suppose that's one way to have done it, but when I met her I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone until I spoke to her again."

Chuck sighed and rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Of course, and you wouldn't break a promise."

"I try not to, Chuck."

"That wasn't disbelief, Dan. It was annoyance." Chuck looked him in the eye for the first time since Dan had entered.

Dan nodded. "Just in case. So she's back, and she and Serena are meeting. I have no idea how that will go."

Chuck sighed. "Do you think they'll be okay?"

"Well, Lily and Eleanor are there, so I doubt it. Lily wouldn't let Serena come alone is my guess, and Eleanor evidently doesn't want Blair out of her sight."

"That's to be expected." Chuck hesitated. "So the kiss?"

"I won't lie, Chuck. I don't even get what's happening. Like at all."

Chuck smirked at Dan. "Maybe you're horny?"

_Good. A smirk is good._"Maybe." Dan laughed. "I don't think it's just that, though."

"You have feelings for her?"

"Do you?" Dan returned.

It was Chuck's turn to raise a questioning eyebrow. "No," he confessed, and Dan believed him more or less. "I did but..." he trailed off again. Dan didn't push the issue. He knew the unspoken answer. Serena. Chuck wasn't what anyone would call a one-woman man, but when he wanted something or someone, they became his sole focus, no matter how long the odds might have been.

Dan spoke to keep Chuck from falling back into his dark mood. "Serena will need you, I think. "

"And you'll be there for Blair, I take it?" Chuck's lip curled a little at the words.

This wasn't going perfectly, but it was probably the best Dan could hope for. "I promised. I'm going to keep my promise."

Chuck blew out a breath and stood. "All right. I won't push it... for now at least. Have a drink with me?"

"Sure," Dan responded. They spent the rest of the afternoon making small talk and drinking Scotch. Dan continued to worry about Blair, and he was sure Chuck was just as worried for Serena.


End file.
